when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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