Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize