glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize