tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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