Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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