Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize