u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize