i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She needs sedatives and a leash
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize