Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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