NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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