I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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