I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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