i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
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there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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