it was like his penis was on wheels.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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