but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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