dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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