My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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