I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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