I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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