You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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