Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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