then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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