remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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