remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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