drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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