do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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