Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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