I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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