I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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