Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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