There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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