I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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