remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
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you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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