but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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