Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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