Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize