how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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