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dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
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