I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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