i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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