If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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