The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize