My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize