I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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