my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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