We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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