You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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