So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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