We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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