i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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